Comments : Hopeful

  • 18 years ago

    by The Wingless

    This is really good.
    I enjoyed reading this and I found myself to be reading it more than once.
    I honestly don't know what to say to help you, other than yes your poems are getting longer and becoming more enjoyable and hopefully they will become longer soon. And also, I don't really like the format, you made spaces at the proper times but if it were my poem I would have made it look like:

    Look at my face,
    do you not see what has gone wrong?
    I am listening,
    but I do not believe ,
    what I hear,
    I see but I'm not sure what I've, witnessed any more
    I've loved,
    but it has been destroyed.

    I feel,
    but such feelings,
    are humiliating now,
    I'm dying at the core,
    while I smile pleasantly,
    Watching until you drown,
    in the blood you've spilt,
    And crying until this all ends,
    Hoping you can get your life back.

    But until then,
    I must mourn myself to sleep,
    And live off memories,
    of what you
    used to be,
    As you turn into,
    what you are going to be,
    An attention seeker, killing yourself for fun
    Self-centered,
    ignoring the ones who love you,
    And focusing on
    the ones who hate you,
    And I just watch.
    And wait.

    And hope...

    Great poem, once again I really liked it.

    Keep up the good work.

  • 18 years ago

    by Pure Silence

    Hey Tay,

    Nice poem but.. Im gonna get on your case about format.. I see mike already did, but if your break it into stanzas, it'll be more eye appealing it'll also make it look longer for people like Mike who can't stand short poems.

    Other wise: I LOVE! this:
    I feel, but such feelings are humiliating now
    I'm dying at the core, while I smile pleasantly
    Watching until you drown in the blood you've spilt

    You have a true talent here Tay, and Im sorry I'm always on your case about something, truely your a great poet keep it up=)

    Love Jenn

  • 18 years ago

    by Jessica

    ^ I agree with everyone else, go back and read there comments. Great poem though. keep up the good work.

  • 18 years ago

    by HOLLY ARMER

    I really admire the message you are conveying in this.
    It's written well and has a nice flow.
    I really liked this part:

    "But until then I must mourn myself to sleep,

    And live off memories of what you used to be"

    Great stuff...Take care~Holly