Ruined valentine(not bout a guy)

Valentines day is a day to smile and be happy,
a day to laugh and be joyous,
a day to take joy in life's gifts,
its a day not to spend drowning in tears.

my valentines day however is spent doing just that,
crying my self a pool to try and drown myself in,
crying myself to sleep and hoping never to wake up again,
crying never hoping to be able to stop.

i don't cry because of a guy however,
i don't cry from a broken heart,
i don't cry knowing he doesn't care,
i don't cry out of my free will, i have non.

i cry because my mother doesn't care and never has,
she couldn't even go through labour for me,
thats how much she cares,
thats how much she loves me.

i was upset to begin with,
i saw in the pile of cards,
non from the guy i really like,
but worse was still to come.

on Holiday thats were we were,
but my mother couldn't stop shouting,
always saying things to make me feels bad,
make me wish i had never lived.

she made me wish like i had cut deeper,
that first time i got the courage,
that the blade was sharper and more effective,
that my life had disappeared.

the one day to spend with loved ones,
i spent with my family,
but my smile was forced and i was not loved,
i am hated at every turn of the clock.

she doesn't care and never has,
she never wanted me to live,
all would be better off were i dead,
all would be happier and full of joy.

i have learned now that i am but a burden for all,
no one cares about me they all fake care,
they all hate me with all their guts,
they wouldn't even notice were i gone.

my own mother can't bear to speak to me,
the one guy who i cared for broke my heart,
my friend's stabbed me in the back and left me to die,
while all else watched and never tried to help.

so on this day of so called love,
i sit alone and cry my heart out,
finally realizing that no one cares about me,
that i am alone on this ruined valentines day.