Omg this is so sad i cried well done ur a gud writer this touched mi heart
take care keep writin

Wow this is really good i really liked it keep up the good work

Deep.. Very Deep.. It's a Little Odd At Some Points.. But I Like It!

Wow!! This poem is really good. it was sad & really captured the emotions. Great Job!!

O_o omg.. this is such a good poem! I'm sitting with tears in my eyes. I hope this isn't personal.. cause that would be really sad =(
xxx
5/5

I loved the poem it showed great emotion and feelings good job.

*sniff* ... im speechless ...*sniff* This poem is really very emotional, and unfortunately i feel that the last couple lines are actually true. And the way you wrote it was perfect. Great job in getting the emotion out.

''learn from this story,
i say no lie,
this happens to people,
then they want to die''

True. ..

So much emotion...its overwhelming but in a good way i loved it!

Ohh wow this is such a sad yet good poem
how could a parent do that thats so wrong =[
theres so much emotion in there and it really touched me
just thought id point out

she sat sat on the floor and glared at a knife,

you used the word sat twice.
unless it was supposed to be there lol

xo.louiii

Great poem, well done.

An effective piece with satisfactory use of imagery and rhyme. In order to improve, take into account the following.
Your rhyming scheme is pretty simple, and there's nothing wrong with that. However, you can vary some of the words you've employed a number of times, such as 'bad', ‘dad’ – and so on. Even if your poem is one that rhymes, it isn’t necessary that every line has to rhyme (sometimes its effective either way). I'm honestly not the greatest fan of 'cutting' poems, but that doesn't mean you have to change the topic of this piece. Your use of appropriate grammar is poor; look back at the sentences that should either have a full stop, semi colon, or comma at the end.
Nevertheless, you have implemented good vocabulary into this piece - just look at my suggestions for improvement and perhaps you'll increase the standards of this poem.

I hope this helps :) x

I loved the emotion and depth in this piece. i thought at times the flow seemed somewhat shaky but that could have been because some parts rhymed and some didn't. i noticed you used alot of fillers in this (I, you, the, and etc) try eliminating some of those and you'll find that the flow greatly improves. i liked the imagery you used in this, it created very vivid pictures in my mind. my favourite part was the last line, i found it to hold so much power and it made for a running ending.

*stunning ending.