I really liked your choice of words, and the way that you put it all together, it didn't have the best flow, and i'm juss gettin started, so maybe i'm not the best person to be doin this, but over all the poem was great!

Hmmm - v poignant. nice mix of hopelessness and hope - the oh yes line could possibly be better, but i might just be criticizing it cause it sticks out a little. i kind of like it. all of it.