Comments : The end of your torture

  • 17 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "I was doing so good not need your comfort" should be well, not good.

    I think you should make the bridge between the introduction and the ending a bit stronger, because you go from wanting his touch to despising him over the course of a couple of lines, and that sort of transition can be hard on a reader, so maybe a stanza about what sort of betrayal went on would be good.