In terms of rhythm and rhyme structure, it reminds me very much of something I would write (If you've found it strange, what does that say about me, huh?)...so I really have no problem with it at all. As well, I really enjoyed the flow and the emotions and ideas you've portrayed.

Lovely job jon!!!!! :D i loved it! i dont kno wat u were talking about some weird rhthym of watever! lol it was fine! keep it up! *hugs*

Well Done Jonny-boy, this reminds me of something Aidyn would write 0_0, lol It has meaning and passion behind it *or seems like it if it doesnt* definatly a 200000000000/5 in my books and this phatom weird rythm you feel i think is just you being paraniod hun cause this is the sex =]

Keep it up and I want to see your face around the club more often!!!

Lol

Jenn