That was great, and many words, it was even better that ya kept it could the way through, keep them come'in and ya will be a poet in no time at allllllll.

Oo :] I liked this.

Its too much for her mind to bear. - I'm pretty sure it's "bare" though dear.

& also in..

Shes just fourteen and eats whats stolen.

You COULD put, just a suggestion, "Shes just fourteen and her life's been stolen.."

..Innit? :| Well I'm not really one a good advice giver, so you should probably leave it how it is.. k off to read the second one.xo.

"Well I'm not really one a good advice giver"

Yeah that made no sense, I'm tired, I'm not really a good advice giver***.

Yeah ..sorry, my spelling is kind of.. retarded. :]x

That is a really good poem. it was a bit confusing in some parts though and definitly the longest poem i've ever read

I haven't read part 2 yet but I can't wait the first part was pretty awsome but Ima go ahead and read part two...oh and thanks for commenting on my poem!!!

Oh!! wow this one is really long but worth reading it, i am sure that the ones who would read the complete poem cant leave without rating it, the imagination is just so powerful...beautifully written indeed.

all the best and take care
5/5

Wow, that was a cool poem. i rated it 4/5 tho, b/c it was so long.

Hey this poem iss really good... gonna read part 2 =]

WOW! that is by far the best first half of a poem i have ever had the pleasure to come across 55555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555/5
well done
^^pickle^^

I realy liked this i all ready read the 2_ed part two it and i loved it i thought it was sad and very discriped well done
i give u a 100/100!!!!!!!!!!

~*~Rosie~*~

There are a few lines that seem like awkward/slightly forced rhymes and sentences to get the point out but don't seem to do it as well as they could. Awesome work, though. :)

This poem is really good and the rhyming was pretty good for the most part. good job.

Hunn. This is simply AMAZING. There are no other words to describe this. Great job. It all goes together so greatly. Keep it up. Now off to read part two. :)

>black&&blue

It hurts to move; her mouth is swollen.
Shes just fourteen and her lifes been stolen.

^^Loved those lines. This was amazing. I'm speachless. It was very well done. Nothing at all needs changing, Keep it up! 5/5

Natalie``

Wow. For such a length you kept me hanging on to the end. A wonderful story well told. Such expression and flow. Brilliant.

Wow its great how you keep up the rhyming throughout,i always find that hard to do

-biscuit-

Brittney --
This was a really good poem! I`m so looking forward to reading the sequal. The rhyming you chose was great ;; and the flow was perfect! It really grasped my attention the whole time, and I completely understood the intent. It was a terrific poem - I`d count on this being top rated. Great job, 5/5. Going to read the sequal.

Love Much,
Samantha Hollywood

So Far I am in love with it. I'll leave a bigger comment when I finish part to hun.

Wow this is so good yet so sad....can't wait to read the next one!