This is a really unique poem, I like the story behind it. "Not wanting to murder an ocean of souls:Not wanting to murder an ocean of souls" I enjoyed that line in particular. I jave a few suggestions:
In the fifth stanza you rhymed master with master, perhaps a different word for one of them?
"Boys, girls, rapes, gossip, jealousy, and lies" this line seemed to take away from the depth of the rest of the poem, make it more childish?? (that's not really the word I'm looking for but I can't think of the other one LOL) It's like we were in this dark mystical place with a dark story and then that line kind of doesn't fit. Only a suggestion though.

I really enjoyed this poem and I can't wait to see the continuation ^_^ Wonderful write my friend!

Woah. thats cool. very detailed. lovd ur use of wording! thnx for the r/c on my two, i appreciate it. this was amazing. keep up the gr8 work.

That was a really long poem, but it told a great story and left me wanting more. Please continue it.

Rave!