WOw... very very very deep in emotion. the poem keeps ur mind still for a sec. keep writing:)

I loved the words you used. They were so tangled, but when you read them, they unraveled. It was really awesome. Good stuff.

It is an amazing poem.. its so good i love it.. its realy sad tho.. but u wrote it very well... ur realy talented. so keep writing.. great word choice and rhythm.. great job..
take care
angie

Excellent i really like the style in which you write the way you can make a few words drop hints to the meaning of an elaborate story
Simply Brilliant!
Sondos

Deep poem, i really like how you made every line in a stanza rhyme. that's hard to do while having a coherent poem. good write

Oh my goodness. Kaylee, This was the best poem I think from you. I'm speachless. I really liked these lines:
"Nobody cared and never cried,
For the daughter dying inside"
I could feel like I could relate to this poem in somewhat way. You've done an excellent job!! Keep up the awesome work!! 5/5

`Taleee. xx.

Wow. another amazing poem! again the rhymes worked well as did the flow and descriptions.. the emotion was clear and the use of the first stanza again at the end really added effect! nice work! 5/5

"Laws of guilt soul did abide,"
that sentence is missing valuable words that would make it make grammatical sense. In any case, you only need one simple addition to make it serviceable, adding 'the' before 'soul', or 'my' or 'her' or some pronoun. Either that, or some sort of comma. Otherwise the two phrases are disjunctions.
~~~
"Sorrow for the hand God dealt,"
dealt is the past participle, you need a 'had' in there to make grammatical sense.
~~~
I liked the repitition of the first stanza at the end, and I enjoyed the difficult rhyme scheme.

Def. like the rhyming.

Good job!!

joy*:.xx

I really like how you have repeated the first stanza at theend, it always seems to me to kind of round the poem off.
I also like how you have rhymed each word in every stanza.
Well written

I love this poem. It seems that you gave it your all in this. It's rather better than my own....( no self-esteem)
Thanks for commenting! Have you read any of my other poems?

Dang!!! Girl, a most heart felt read indeed.
Excellent use of words no doubt and with
great rhyme and rhythm, I think this poem
would be a great song.
Outstanding work I love it, Write On.

Amazing stuff Kaylee. This was another one that hit me hard. the flow and rhymes were alright, but the message was amazing. Good stuff!

This was a deeply touching and emotional poem very well writen, your choice of words and the flow was awesome, 5 stars well done

There's a morbid futility there that speaks of society's isolation of "issues" much deeper than of any personal attentions. Very good.

Wow that was really great ... really deep...great work

kazza

Kaylee, this is so sad... I love the rhyme scheme, very effective. The flow was incredible until the fourth stanza ( "she" was used three times; maybe you meant it that way, but it through off the rhythm for me). Perhaps instead of "she" in the second line you could say something like "Neither that her *** had been used" and so on... Try to only use "she" once in that stanza. The end was perfect and very powerful!

Kaylee-- I agree this was probably your best poem yet!! I loved it ;; it should win that weekly poetry contest!! lol. the rhyming worked out really well and the rhythm flowed smoothly. I also like how every line rhymed. great job keep it up!! 5/5
**samantha hollywood

Great write! Thanks for sharing!

Very well, your rymes were well set and how you were able to point out the major things. I loved how it was, and the way your poem is written.