Boy, what a cool poem. Good thing you have all the syllable counts right, otherwise it'd be pretty embarassing.

Aken Sol

Hmm i dont really understand this. like i dont know its confusing to me, but that might just be me..
but i like the way you wrote it . 5/5

Great syllable count and rhyming as well. Now I realize these types do not have to rhyme but you added that in to spice it up some!! I liked that added touch. This write as a touch of saddness as well, almost like you are giving up on someone.
All in allit was a fabulous write!

I really like this one. I assume that this is a brother, speaking...trying to protect his little sister. I picture him sitting, dazed by the television watching one of those terrible infomercials..."If our product isn't the best (it is of course) we'll double your money!" He's worried, waiting for her to come home, even though he knows she won't. The last statement he makes, "Based on how you act
I think that mother should have
named you Eve instead," is the perfect closing line. It is short and choppy like, which seems to bring out the fact that even though he has given up, he is still worried (as well as angry).

Great poem!

Interesting, original, liked it.

joy*:.xx

Lol, i found this a little confusing.. but it was amazing.. i didn't really understand, but i could see how many different styles you put into one poem.. with a very creative and unique result! excellent job with this sean! 5/5

This poem is so original and I love it! Like other people have commented, I don't quite understand it, but it seems to have so much meaning. You write very well.

Kyanne :)

Love to see that someone is writing differently. Good poem, very creative one. Nice job!

This was pretty good
............5/5

Lol, the last line was cool! i agree with souray too, it is differnt. its a little confusing though, but you get it after a while.

Ohhh.. I like the biblical allusion in this poem. It gives it a nice, clear message. Great stuff.

Hey thanx for sticking up for me in that poem contest i started, but didnt finish..... ur awesome....

Ok...I gave this a 4/5 for many reasons. I really didn't get why you put longer lines and much shorter lines at the beginning and the end. There was really no flow at all, and no rhyiming scheme (rhyming was most likely intentional). This poem just...didn't really interest me much. Sorry if I'm being kind of critical. =) xoxo

Samantha

Wooh I so disagree with sammycakes! ^^

I thought the longer and shorter lines were really affective and it didn't affect the flow at all in my opninion, it was still great. Is it a particular type of poem I love the structure of it.... Take care 5/5
- Polly