I'm sorry, but this is too clichéd. You have written some interesting and evocative poems but this is flat and sterile, drawing on a negativity that is far too common to hold the attention of someone who reads a lot of similar poetry.

Seriously, I would recommend looking around this site at the works of some others doing similar stuff. You will see I am not being cruel. I like to see young poets do well, as there are really so few of you that do it with great skill.