Wow, Darien. That was sad! Really sad. Your flow and rhyming were REALLY good. Flawless! Tehe.

I could really relate to these lines too..but in a different way..

Lost the game she forced upon my aching soul,
With the trust she broke and my life she stole.

But just not 'her' ...it's more 'him'. Yeah. =/ It was really really good though. OMG! I'm just glad muh SMAWCE brother submitted another poem. woot! Lol.. =D Taha. 5/5 as always.

Natalie``

Wow...this was a very strong poem..The flow and rhyming were great!!
The ending was also perfect!!
5/5

TORM

Thats really good... well written and composed... i liked it a lot...
Driver

Very nicely written.. I knew a girl that did that as well.. Split between love and lust. It was a rather tragic ending at first, but then she understood true love. [Remember, the end is only the beginning] Great write, Darien, you're a very strong poet... I'm going to be honest and say I didn't think it would be any good when I read the title, but I'm glad you proved me wrong. Great job.

xDarkSuicidex 5.5

Darien --
I think you did a really good job on this. Glad to hear it`s fictional, though. The title is really catchy ;; would definitely make a good song title. You used very good vocabulary, as usual. Fortunately, not TOO good that I had to pull out a dictionary or anything.. lol. You did a great job ;; nothing seemed forced, and your grammar and spelling was perfect. Keep this up, I LOVE YOUR WORK!!

Love Much,
Samantha Hollywood

That was a really sad poem/song :D but it flowed very well and i enjoyed reading it, and it was really heart felt
5/5
Keep it up!!!

Wow, this was definately a really good flow. I loved the wordes and how you used them. Fantastic Work! 5/5

Wow.. that was amazing.. the title really draws the reader in.. the descriptions were amazing and full of detail.. very nice poem! loved it! 5/5

Difficult sort of rhyme scheme to maintain, but I felt that it led to some interesting imagery. There were a few places where I felt that the story could have been relayed a bit better had the rhyme scheme not been around, but it was a good poem nonetheless.

Pretty good, nice rhymes. This poem isn't as good as your other one's though. Just didn't have that.."feel" to it.

AWESOME! i think it would be a gr8 song. the story is so true anyway. keep writing:)

Hey, that was great to read and i really wish i could hear it in song, i'll just have to satisfy myself immagining it in my head. keep it up

“Lust was the poison in your venomous kiss,
Photos burning through my mind I reminisce”
-
"Echoing the airwaves an eerie song on violin,
Ripping at my heart and ears she sealed a win"...

...Sheer brilliance. There is so much power and meaning within those four lines that one is actually able to relate to such morbid yet slightly heartfelt emotions you convey. You go in to so much depth and explore each and every atmospheric and effective term associated to the situation in your poem. A wonderful piece and your efforts are constant.
Keep writing, my friend. Fame awaits you =].

God bless,
-Elysium.

I liked this very much. It is univeral in the way that we have all had a backstbbing experience at least once in our lives. 5/5 Loretta

This is so powerful and sad, Darien! I love the rhyme scheme and the words you chose were fabulous and unique. The first stanza was my favorite, it really caught my attention. Awesome message, excellent poem!

Wow, chilling write---Very sad to a depth of darkness in the way you wrote it---Breath taking;;;;I love it! I don't even know what else to say. It's flawless and AMAZING!

No doubt a 5/5!!

Wow...even know you haven't experienced it, since you said it's a fake story...your emotions in the poem seem real...great job...

Wow this is really good, but sad. good thing this didnt really happen. great poem !

A lesson in backstabbing and a lesson in writing the perfect poem, darien this is one of the best poems i have ever read,,it has a strong message,, i could really relate because i have been in the certain situation,,,all i have to say is keep it up for it is truly a masterpiece

This is brillaint.. really great work!!!!