It's very easy to turn this into a really good piece of poetry.

Break it into equal sized stanza, develope the word play a little and instead of venting, turn it into something more, turn it into a flowing piece of emotion.

You have the base and it's solid, just build on it some more and you'll get something that everyone can identify with and enjoy.

Bret

Psh, i thought it was good
this is really deep, i could totally relate... keep it up, im lookin forwqard to reading more of this great stuff!
love
tina
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