Comments : I knew It's not a Fairytale

  • 17 years ago

    by Simon Hayes

    This is a wonderfully written piece. The first piece I have read of yours and now I am intrigued. I have some suggestions if you so wish to hear:

    3rd stanza, 4th line... Should that not be "know" instead of "knew"?

    5th stanza, 1st line... "My heart was struck" not "strucked" 2nd line... "I didn't know existed..."

    6th stanza, 1st and 3rd line... Again, "know" not "knew"?

    7th stanza, 1st line... I suggest changing this line a little. Something like "I recall what I had said before"??

    8th stanza, 4th line... perhaps add "the"... "In the most enchanting way."

    I hope you don't find my critique in anyway offending. This is a magnificent piece which I enjoyed reading. I shall eagerly read your other work now.