I really liked this poem except i think the flow was broken by all the fullstops (i know they have a name i just can't remember it) but otherwise the message in it was clear. Keep writing =]

Pip xxx

This was good.. But the flow was off and this made it hard to read.. Try and shorten and make longer some of the lines so they are all about the same length.. Other than that, the descriptions were good as was the emotion.. Nicely done! 5/5

Hey
great poem! lots of feelings and emotion!
well done
love mel

Mmmmmmmm
ur losing ur patinece in ur poem, that's a great thing, i liked it
try as i said before using some rhymes and passion and more of the strong powerful words. m sure it'll be great because i like the way u say everything. it's on top of ur tongue, watever is ur heart u will say it, that's great to do so :)

Just please make look like suicide..

^^I think this line needs re-wording. Like add the word "it" after make.

Good poem, too. Though I did think it ended too soon. I was kinda wanting more. But it was still good. Keep it up!

Natalie``

Umm, i'm from burbank, (LA) why? ur welcome :)

Oh by the way i just went to San Mateo for a vacation. went swimming and stuff.

I will say the same as I did in my other comment, not because I want to be horrible, but because this is a site which aims to help people improve. You have listed how you feel, and events. You haven't gone any deeper into explaining emotions by using techniques such as imagery and metaphors. Also go easy on the ellipsis (...). It makes your poem look messy and is not necessary.