This is great!

K; Nice Try.

The good things are, you have a nice concept to begin with. Nobody can decide with the words whether you are writing about yourselves or about someone you know very well. The poem is very heavy but again it not too light for such a short poem.

My suggestions are:

1) The flow in the second stanza is not too smooth. Perhaps you can make the lines more meaningful with punctuation. Without punctuation the first two lines of the second stanza convey a different inner meaning while it conveys a different message if you use a pause(comma) at the end of the first line. REad it and see for yourself.

2) for such a well thought of concept, the poem is very short and has an abrupt ending stanza. I Would have preferred one more stanza describing how she degrades before the last stanza.

3) The title says, "Weakened Butterfly" and hence I expected the butterfly to be alive after being weakened to the point where it was meaningless to live... but it dies... just think about that..

3) It dies beneath a rose.... umph. what does rose represent in this poem. See you have compares butterfly to someone in a delicate situation, and rose carries much meaning in your poem since it is of so abrupt appearance and specifically mentioned at the end. I am sure in your mind that rose carries so many attributes(values in a poet's words), but the reader cannot seee it all with your words, you must guide him a bit more.

ThAT WAS AWSOME!! keep on writting!! have fun too..please comment and rate my poems!! thanks~DARK~

Hey this poems is good!!

Amazing imagery, this poem was very well written. A good metaphor. Sad but true. Keep up the great work.

All I can say is wow. I mean,theres no other way to describe how I felt while I read it!!

This poem is soo beautiful.
its so sad. and this is one of the best nature poems ive ever written.
Few(minor) things-
Sparkles fall from each wing creating a shower..** i think should have a comma after wing.

The gentle wind and birds cries the only sound** 1- bird's cries, or birds' cry, or brid's cry, but not birds cries.
2- how can the birds' cry(or w/e) be the only sound if theres wind..?

But those are the only things i could find slightly wrong. =]

Excellent Job.!!

x.x:Lauren

You are so young yet you're poems are so full of meaning i Love it

Bravo, and superbly written with detail imagery and colorful tone. You need to write professionally, because you a special gift for writing. Nothing more could be said.

Well, I am only a novice poet writer. However, I can definitly recognize good writing.

If you have any time, please stop by to read/comment on some of my poetry at the following url:www.poems-and-quotes.com/your_poems.html

Tell a friend too! Keep sharing! You get high marks from me!

FireFly747

Your poem is very good... i liked it really. :)

I like this poem A LOT!!!!! it reminds me somewhat of myself. i feel your pain! cudos 2 u

Its really great, its very powerful, i hope to see alot more of your work.

OMG!!!! JESSY!!! dis was da best poem frm u! i still cnt belive u matured so much as a writer! amazing! it wz written so soulfully ur jus gr8!
write more poems!
luff ya
xxxooo
Vika

It was a awesome story... continue the hard work..

Very nice imagery!

Very beautiful! 5/5

That was beautiful!!!!! Amazing, wonderful, I can't find any other word to say. 5/5 God Bless

~*Tay*~

I loved how you delicately described that butterfly..
it was sad though..
anyway, good poem!..

That is absolutely fantastic!! I love the imagery. I was dissapointed when it ended! I especially love the ending. This poem is extremely inspiring. I have to say I don't write about nature very well but you seem to do it well. I am going to read more and I will most likely be adding you to my favorites. (I found your poem on the discussion board under 1 for 1) so please comment back. Thank you much appriciated. any of my featured or any that catch your eye.
sincerely yours
~skittles

Beautifully written