Comments : Catch Me

  • 12 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    I love this piece and I can deeply relate to it. You write so profound, heartfelt and deep pieces and your ability to express so many emotions within the poem that contains only one stanza impresses me. This is another one captivating write from you that makes me read between the lines and absorb the feelings that you portrayed greatly.
    I have only one small suggestion (This is only my opinion). I think that, for the sake of the flow which would be more effective, this piece can be written like this:

    I'm on the verge of a breakdown,
    I can't stop myself from falling;
    Can you help me,
    And
    catch me as I tumble?
    Just hold out your arms
    I'll make it ok.
    ^^^
    I think that the flow is more intense like this. I tried to read it out loud and it sounds pretty good to me :)

    All in all, greatly done.
    5/5 from me