Comments : How long can I abstain?

  • 17 years ago

    by katie!

    Ok, I'll start off with saying I really enjoyed this poem, I liked the way you wrote it and how you kept your emotions raw throughout the poem. I especially enjoyed the last stanza out of them all.
    You convey emotions well.

    My issue would be with the way you have puncuated it.

    Putting a full stop after the stanzas really disrupts the flow of the poem, it interrupted my reading. I think it would work much better without the full stops.

    Also this line
    "From the outside of me to the core."
    Was a little bit repetitive as you had just used "me" in the line above. My suggestion would be "From my inside to my core" Or something along those lines.

    Nitpicking: Penultimate line "doesn" I think you added an "n" by accident. But thats me being really fussy..

    Overall, a strong poem, with strongly written emotion and a good form.

    Keep writing, take care
    XXXXXX