That was great. I loved it.

Even tho i write very short poems too, and this may be hypocracy, i think that you need to keep the same amount of lines but extend how many words are on each line. it just seems that youre not getting enough detail into it. I know its hard when you need a new idea for each stanza and you dont want to introduce a new idea, so the work-around is adding more words. :)

also, perhaps you could make your rhymes a little more sophisticated.

overall though, i liked your ideas in the poem, and it was mostly well written. Well done, and keep writing! :):)

Awesome poem Alvin.

Not bad. good job