This is really interesting, i like it. i like the second part the best. good job.

May I have this heart, May I have your soul.
Now we are the ghosts on the ballroom floor.
Let me see into you mind, let me drink your thoughts.
So that I might be able to understand it all.
Let me soar you through the stars, Let me land you on the moon
For were already dead tonight

The first two lines in this stanza were amazing, I loved them.
The second two were okay, it should be your not you. :|
The last two, I think the syllables were too far off. If you would have said something like.
" Let me soar you through the stars; land you on the moon.
For we're already dead tonight"

The second stanza was amazing. I loved it, my favorite part.
Along with the first two lines, of the first AND last stanza.

4/5. Good Job, Hun.
I like your poetry. :]

( Oh, I'm not the best writer, and what I said was just my opinions... I hate saying people should change something tomake it sound better, because it's THEIR work.. I just thought it might help a little to improve, though you don't really need it. eh. You're an amazing writer )

May I have this heart, May I have your soul.
Now we are the ghosts on the ballroom floor.
Let me see into you mind, let me drink your thoughts.
So that I might be able to understand it all.
Let me soar you through the stars, Let me land you on the moon
For were already dead tonight

The first two lines in this stanza were amazing, I loved them.
The second two were okay, it should be your not you. :|
The last two, I think the syllables were too far off. If you would have said something like.
" Let me soar you through the stars; land you on the moon.
For we're already dead tonight"

The second stanza was amazing. I loved it, my favorite part.
Along with the first two lines, of the first AND last stanza.

4/5. Good Job, Hun.
I like your poetry. :]

( Oh, I'm not the best writer, and what I said was just my opinions... I hate saying people should change something tomake it sound better, because it's THEIR work.. I just thought it might help a little to improve, though you don't really need it. eh. You're an amazing writer )

Whoops. double comment. :|

i hate that...

I must say, it would make a lovely song. It twisted and turned as I read it... I could almost see it as a video playing out in my head.
Made me wonder what inspired you.

Wow i really liked that:) um..... the only suggestion i would give you is to use punctuation on some of this.... like the words that are different if they dont have an apostrophe or stuff like that..... but overall, it was all very good!

EEEMMMMily