I liked this.
The structure was interesting, although it threw me a little in the middle.
Apart from that, a wonderful job.

In the beginning, this poem is beautifully written and i really thought it was going somewhere. However, after the fourth line, it seemed to come across as a lot more forced. Whether that's because you were trying to abide by a particular writing structure, i don't know. It just felt like your attention was concentrated on achieveing a rhyme and/or syllable count, which unfortunately overpowered the poem's intent.
i'm not the biggest fan, but i admire your attempt at writing differently, i really do. usually when people find a niche, they stick to it. this was very brave of you, so well done for that. x