It meanders a lot around the basic point and i think you could be more direct. i have a few technical critiques,... you swithc up tenses in it.. like the second stanza is not in the same tense as the first,.. so. to even it out i'd put "my last words to you would be". Also you can trim a lot of the "I"'s and 'You"'s cuz it just gtes repetitive.. sometimes i think you're tryign to rhyme and others I cant see it.. so i'd even that out,. you repeat the same words like hello and bye etc and variety is the spice of life; more meaning will come from using different words.. not bad but i prefer a more direct style

A poem written from da heart! well done :D

Words such as "And, I, You" are subjective, meaning they are unimportant words.

Your poems have poetical emphisis, but no rhythm. I suggest you look up iambic pentameter. There is also heptameter, hexameter and many others.

Type 'poetry rhythm' into google.

Hey forget what all they said^ this is a very sad poem but u wrote it well. nice work! colb!

Wow nice work. It's really good but sad at the same time. I like it a lot.

Laura

Well done! i luved it! keep up the good work!

It was amazing like all ur other ones u really know how to tap into emotions and show them in a poem. It was awesome