Comments : Back on My Sleeve

  • 17 years ago

    by Rona

    I thought that was sweet, sad and quite funny. I loved these lines the most:

    "But my heart isn't meant for ME to keep
    Which is what makes love so whack"

    Hahaha! Love surely is whack. Hmm..all I can comment on was that some of the lines were pretty long which kinda threw off the flow a little. But it all worked out in the end. I loved the last stanza! Great job!

  • 17 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    This is an excellent poem, the flow was great and the meaning was deep, I enjoyed it very much excellent write 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by *Isolde*

    Great poem 5/5 I love the words you used...keep it up.

  • 17 years ago

    by Ironic Allure

    Hmm. i'm undecided. some of the lines in this seemed a little bit stifled. almost as if you have the idea and how you want to perceive it, but the articulation isn't quite there.
    also, be careful on how much effort you put into making your lines rhyme. it's not necessary and sometimes comes across forced; if it doesn't come naturally, don't make it. it more than like won't work. of course these are just my opinions.

    with that all said, however, i did really like the last line. kind of a lasting after thought. it was lovely. liked the metaphore, liked the general idea of the poem. i just think it could be improved x

  • 17 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I liked this.
    I enjoyed the wording and imagery mucly.
    The fact that some lines rhymed and some didn't threw me off, but apart from that, I think you did a wonderful job.