Apart from this being yet another self pitying suicide poem, it was ok.
Some of your descriptions were above average for a suicide poem, so I'll give you that one. However, there were flow issues and in places it became a little too "wordy."
Also, I wasn't sure about the second line of the second stanza, "squirm" conveys the image of the creatures stuggling and panicing just as they would being in fear. Yet "swiftly," although meaning fast, conveys the feeling of smooth and fast rather than jumpy and skittish. Maybe you'd like to think of another word to replace "swiftly," It would make more sense and give a stronger image.
Thanks for sharing, keep writing.

This one is good... 4/5

I've realized many on this site write about suicide, though yours is different in away. And that's why I think I enjoyed reading it. Overall I think it was a great piece.

marcella

I wanted to tell you how amazing I truly thought this poem was. It created visuals for me to picture, and it was symbolic and realistic all at the same time. I like how you could look at it as a literal drowning, or an emotional one. That was very good on your part. Thanks for entering!
Charisma*
Comment #1

Very well written
i didn't knows guys had so much emotion...
??
xD

Your poems are great. not average. this poem created visuals for me to picture, and it was symbolic and realistic all at the same time. very well written check out some of my stuff though i dont compare. you are amazing

I liked it
((5))