Comments : I'll never be fine !

  • 17 years ago

    by firexdancer

    Wow this is really beautiful, so sad...
    im adding you to my favorites'
    luv gabriella

  • 17 years ago

    by Afraid of the Dark

    The emotions just fly out of this poem. . .

    It flowed nicely and i love that last line. . .

    Laura
    x

  • 17 years ago

    by Cella Bella

    In the 5th line I think you mean out not put. Some of the rhymes seem a bit forced. Like "But I'll cry myself to sleep every day". Night, of course makes more sense but, doesn't rhyme. ok ok lol, besides that it does have a really good flow and has a ton of emotion running through it. So for that i'll give you a 5/5

    marcella

  • 17 years ago

    by Kristina

    'I'll step put of your life'
    I think you meant 'out' not 'put'

    awww this is a very sad poem, but i defiantely can relate to every word you wrote in it. amazing job you did! it's so sad when this happens. 5/5

    ~Kristina

  • 17 years ago

    by LithiumSacrifice

    Wow excellent.. i know exactly how you feel. 5/5!!

  • 17 years ago

    by Dumpstead

    Dear Amelia,

    Very impressive work. Some typos are previously pointed out by others, so I think you shoudl edit the poem and correct them.

    Secondly, please do concentrate more on vacabulary and punctuation. The flow of the poem can be much better if you choose yoru words: Athough, And(&), are not ht epreferable words to begin a line with.

    Teh below lines could have conveyes a lot more in terms of meaning and could initiate a lot of imagination in the reader if you will properly punctuate them:

    I'll cry the tears
    If it makes you smile.
    Cuz all i ever wanted was for u to be happy
    I just wanted you to smile
    if me leaving is what you want
    Its ok if i hurt all the while..

    The Ending is nice, but I feel that this would be a fantatic work if it was split across two stanzas of 15 lines each, where the first stanza describes the hurt that you will endure and second stanza highlights how you are trying to cope with it.

    Well, I hope I have not upset you. I do t mean to imply that this isn't a nice piece of work but only that it can be a lot better, it can be mindblowing.

  • 17 years ago

    by in.need.of.a.lucky.charm

    Awwwwww hun!!! this was soo sad, all your sacrificing for someone elses happiness. i absoutely loved this bub. well done

    much love and many kisses,
    bex

  • 17 years ago

    by Lucifer

    Nice one very emotional poem and shows it's meaning deeply
    keep the good work up
    5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow thats strong. its very good. take kare x x