Comments : 12:31

  • 17 years ago

    by tryinXtoXholdXmyXheadXup

    A good write, long and the emotion is raw, you have a waywith words keep at it,

  • 15 years ago

    by Cantchangeme

    A really good write and because of that a good read too. The poem takes you on a journey and you make the reader walk it with you an see your dreams and feelings through your eyes.

    This poem has meaning and a point to be made and it makes it beautifully.

    A Brilliant write

  • 15 years ago

    by Kaila

    I liked your wording in this poem. Although the end got a bit sloppy looking for me. I thought the beginning was a tad cliche but I was glad to see that your wording attempted to make it, it's own. I really enjoyed your word choice.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Hatori

    I love the strength of your beginning, however I think this poem started to lose the genuine feeling closer to the end. Also, I think with the emotion you were able to convey at the part when the missing piece was found, a happy ending would leave the reader more satisfied. It seems you have a natural nack for giving a reader a happy tone after a sad opening, that it was a little disappointing when it closed with a sad ending. However, I can still see the message you were showing =] In particular, I liked this line though:

    "An outward sigh, an inner scream, frustration tears at me."

    Such imagery was painted that it still stands out in my mind. Lovely poem, but the ending threw it off a little for me. Keep it up! 4/5

    --Hari

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Its hard to chose a specific part which one could point to and say, that right there was the best part of the poem, because with this one it cannot be done, each part, line, even word is as important to this poem as the next. throw it all together and what do you have, this wonderful piece of writing. The only thing I don't really like about this poem is the length of it, it is pretty long, but I guess that is okay, there are a lot of poems that are longer than this one.

    Overall a wonderful write, keep up the good work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 15 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    This was a very interesting read. The overall message of it was clear and beautiful. I was shocked by the revelation that the persona/narrator had actually died.

    "
    My eyes open again and I shield them from the radiant sunlight.
    A small gasp leaves my lips, I see untamed wildflowers and grass, stretching out to encompass the world.
    Something so spectacular, it can't be real.
    With a usual frown and small sigh, I realize it isn't, just a dream."

    ^^ This was my favourite stanza. It brings nature, what I believe to be the most beautiful thing on this earth, into it. It was saddening to read that this wasn't something actually seen by the narrator. It was in fact just a "dream".

    "The only thing I regret is that I never tried my best, stepped ahead, helped ever chance I had."

    ^^ I think it should be 'helped [every] chance I had'.

    Overall, very good. And for some reason, I adore the title.

  • 15 years ago

    by kate

    I really liked this poem a lot. there was a part in the poem where it kinda remind me of how people move along without you in a since while your just standing there and you see all these people walking around and smiling and you don't understand what is so different with my life then theirs. but all in the end there was a death that become of what you never did in life, i guess what im saying or what i think your poem is saying is that do what you live for and take things on to a new level because your life will change you for the worse or the best. you did an amazing job.

    keep it up.
    keep on writing.
    love always and forever.

  • Good work some times i wish i could learn from my mistakes and not have ever one fix them for me