Sam,
Positive Comments:
* I think it's well written the way ou seperated the rhyming scheme.
* I enjoyed the use of emotion as we have talked about this and you do well in expressing how you feel in a way that still makes you seem like it is all not true, that you are truly the happiest man on earth.
* I love you.
Negative comments:

* Grammar: WERE (we're - we are?) all small dots
ITS (It's or It is) you the sun glows for
And ITS (It's or It is)
Be careful for that sweet.

Well-written, Love you lots
Kisses
IxI 0pium IxI