I tend to agree to some extent with Storm, the structure of the poem is extremely important in catching the attention of the viewer and in linking the appeal of the text with the target audience.... people like reading poems that are structured nicely as they are more 'friendly' to read, if you make these changes i think that you poem would recieve much more comments/ratings.... lol... so yeah, Storm had some very valid points, i suggest you take her advice... thank you though, the message of the poem is very strong and i like the overall impact... ;)

ISTS GOOD I LIKE IT 5/5. I LOVE IT !! OHH AND I FINALLY GOT A NEW POEM UP!! PLEZ CHECK IT OUT