Comments : Lost souls

  • 17 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Ooh, very nice. The rhyming here was very good, as was the word-choice.

    "tired as I am, I know that I am weak
    I can't sit or stand, nor can I walk, or speak
    My eyes have sunk a little deeper in my head
    My skin as pale as the living dead"

    ^ This stanza was my favourite. Especially those last two lines.

    "For once I'm glad I do not weep
    Over secrets I'm forced to keep"

    I would suggest changing 'I'm' in the last line here, to 'I am', as I think that would improve the flow.

    Overall - a nice read.

  • 17 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Oh, how sad.
    it was another great poem by you but it i was very sad.it was just so deep

  • 16 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    The imaginery and wording was absoutely excellent..I have to say that those were my faves

    Your memory doesn't reach me here
    In this darkness, there is no fear
    For once I'm glad I do not weep
    Over secrets I'm forced to keep

    So sad..but powerful
    Keep it up,
    Laura