I enjoyed this one alot. It was different. Very easy to read and it kept my attention. The flow was slighly off in a few places. I think my favorite part was...

"Before it comes, depression hits us hard
We know that the false friendship will end
The butterflies will be there no more
It hurts, even though it's a false friend"

Anyhow, it was a good poem, keep it up. =)
-Ally

This poem would improve significantly if you focus the material better. Several ideas are introduced, but none of them are really fleshed out. This keeps the reader disconnected from the poetry and doesn't allow for an emotional connection to the material. Also, they flow seems very fragmented, mostly due to wording and grammar.

line2. doubt seems more indicative of a concrete situation. Consider another verb. 'questioning?'

line3. avoid 'give.' it's an over used and non-descriptive word. Find another word that more explicitly describes the action you are referring to

line4. 'thrown' is awkward. This whole line seems to be more of a transitional idea and doesn't belong in the stanza. It fits better with line5 and the 2nd stanza. Revise this line to expand on the ideas in lines 2&3.

line7. 'time ends?' what is this referring to? It's vague and there aren't any references within the poem to help interpret the meaning.

lin8. still lost, 'different places' Seems like there is a story here but you need more lines to tell it.

line7&8. 'ends' = repetition

line10. you don't really need the conjunction 'that' - take it out, it's a filler word that doesn't enhance the poem.

line10&12. false = repetition. If these cases of repetition are intentional I would consider revising it: it doesn't emphasize a point, but it is distracting when reading it.

line11. butterflies? Is this more than friendship? seems out of place, I' never had that emotion with a friendship.

line13&14. 'need them' repetition. Also, 'need' is another one of those fluffy words that is overused and bland, find another word that is more descriptive!

line16. 'galore' is wildly inappropriate. I understand that, by definition, it's correct but that doesn't mean it fits within the context. Seems more like a word that fit your rhyme scheme. Definitely get rid of it and find another word. It was very distracting.

lin18. 'is' = awk. use a word that is descriptive.

Another issue with the poem is the constant shift from singular first person to a collective 'we.' This really hurts the emotional response of the reader because it... 'deflates' the voice of the narrator. The narrator seems more disconnected and impersonal and the story becomes more of a generalization. Continue working on it and I think it has the potential to improve significantly.

Lovely poem yet again. 5/5. Well done and I wish you all the best on your endeavour.
cheers, josh

The poem seems to introduce several ideas without really fleshing out any of them. Also, the flow is very broke detracts from the poem mainly due to wording and grammar.

line2. 'doubting' is usually related to a more concrete action or topic, consider revising it and using a word better suited for the abstract, ie. 'questioning?'

line3. 'give' is an overused word that isn't descriptive at all. replace it with a more explicit term that better reflects the action you are referring to.

line4. thrown=awk. Also, this whole line seems out of place, fits better with line5. Furthermore, it doesn't add to the previous lines - it's more transitional in content. Move it to the second stanza and replace it with a line that adds more substance to 2&3.

lin6. awk, 'see' should be seeing.

line 7. don't relate to previous lines and are vague: 'our time ends' = who's time? why don't we know? How does this relate to lying? Does lying end a relationship?

line8.'different places' = confusing - very vague and confusing. I think you need another stanza to allow for more description to get your point across. Something is trying to be said, but there isn't enough content to say it.

line7&8. 'ends' = repetition

line10&12. 'false'= repetition. If this is intentional I would change it. I don't feel these words are significant enough to repeat them, find other descriptors.

line11. 'butterflies'? is this more than a friendship? If not, than this is *very confusing. I've never heard this colloquial term used for friendship...

line13&14. 'need them' = repetition

line16. 'galore'=awk, word seems to be used bc it rhymes. Even though, by definition, it's correct, it's inappropriate use and very distracting from the poem.

line18.'is' - not descriptive, use a verb that is more specific

Another issue with the poem is the switch in voice of the narrator. I found this very distracting. From 'we' to 'I', the shift in voice keeps the reader from connecting with the material and objectifies the narrator, reducing the emotional expressiveness of the poem. 'we' generalizes the emotions within the text. With revision, this poem has the potential to improve significantly, and I hope you keep at it.

I honestly did not find anything wrong with this poem. Other people may think it wasnt perfect but hey, who is perfect these days? Over time everyone improves, I looked back at my poetry from when I was 12 and realised it was really bad, but you learn from the past and your mistakes :)

"We wish friendship was here to stay
I wish that familiarity is with me forever
To hold on tight to something close
Wish me luck in this endeavor"

This is my favourite stanza because it summed up the poem and ended it well. To me poetry is not about using big and descriptive words, its about expressing yourself and listening to the worlds that lie in your mind, heart and soul. You have done just that! Take Care.

Whoops i meant words not words lol. Sorry, Again I really again reading your poem!

x

This was wonderful written, i really liked it, you have such talent, great job. Keep writting.