Comments : Saturday Night

  • 17 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Sitting for hours on chair of this boring pub = Sitting for hours on a chair in this boring pub

    Another suggestion:

    Did you know the pub and fun rhyme? I think the word "fun" can fit in there rather than club.

    It's my the first saturday night without you =It's my first saturday night not being with you

    Passing beside of your past favorite place = Passing right by one of your favorite places

    Looking inside,hoping to see your face =Looking inside, hoping to see your face...'

    But the salesman points me now to shoo= ummm, talk about random?! How many salesmen do you know shoo people away from the store they work for? Lol, what bad employees!

    :O I didn't know about the syllabication, but I think you should make the footnote a header.

    This poem, I suppose, will get a 5.0 from me although it is technically worth a 4.0 but I still did like it.

    5/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 17 years ago

    by Seronum

    Great poem!, 5/5 for this one. hope everythings goin well, Keep writing :-)

  • 17 years ago

    by Darien

    "Passing right by one of your favorite place"
    ['places'] It's grammatically incorrect to write place, because you wrote the word 'one'.

    "Asking me about you all my co-workers"
    [I really didn't like the wording in this line]
    Asking about you was all my co-workers
    [try that line instead]

    "They are too curious about and sinners"
    [That line didn't even make sense]

    Ok, so I didn't really like this poem, because I had to read some of the lines over and over again to make sense of it. It really disturbed the flow of the poem. This poem really deservers like a 3.8, but I will vote it a 5, because there is potential.

  • 16 years ago

    by bubbles2424

    This was a really good poem
    The flow was awsome and the feeling was great
    5/5 from me!

    --Katie

  • 16 years ago

    by Simply Josh

    It was a sad poem and you made sure that we could see that. Well done on a great piece of writing. 5/5
    cheers, josh