Yer i thought about my baby when i read this and it made me think about how i take him for granted. All i think you should do is seperate into stanzas yup thats it and i doesnt need and end it fine as it is :D

please read 'The bodys' rain' thanx :D

xxx alex xxx

Wow. It appears that you have an unusual outlook on love. It's very unique. I really like it and I look forward to reading the finished project.

This was quite pleasurable to read, although it was an unfinished product. I generally agree with your statements which were nearly all alleged facts. Apparently, lust is the distortion of love. I'd like to see that concept to progress in your piece. :) Nicely done, nonetheless.

Debbie

Wow, i actually REALLY love thiss great job, =]

It's really good so far...just be careful how you end it, if you have a bad ending it just won't be near as good, it'll damage the poem...weird thing to say, right? damaging a poem... :P Relaly love it so far though!