Some of it was corny, and I seriously suggest putting SOME punctuation in it, as well as spelling "Cause" out rather than putting "Cuz" which is just a sign of laziness.

"Cuz I never got my quid pro quo." Personally, that line should be replaced or emitted.

In a poem as informal as this, I suggest you make "learnt" = "learned"...

The only thing I'd change about this poem is that it feels as if the poem is or was written based on rhyme, rather than based on a storyline. I think you forced the words too much, thought too much while writing it... something like that.

Other than that, wonderful job.

5/5
~Stephen White

I do agree with the above comment...i think it'll look more powerful if it's done just concentrating on the story line rather than the rhyme....the rhyme shceme rather seems forced...
But the story u portrayed was good....u've done a good job on it though...kp up the good work!...well done on this 1!!...it has it's own charm!
xxPoojaxx