Wow. this is really a breath racing poem, it catches you in it's rythm, and though it didn't flow perfectly, you did a really good job on your first try *applauds* it really is beautiful though. 5/5
gabriella

It's great to know that you're using punctuation.
But it looks like you're using too much now.
Lol.
For example:
Kneel and watch[[;]]
It leaving you.
Kneel and watch it leaving you
Is a sentence of its own.
It does not need a semi-colon in it.

This part doesn't make sense to me.
Touch your face
Like a little tear...
Waters splashing on the face is not a little tear.

Wow.
I would never have guess.
It didn't really make sense to me in the beginning.
But this poem... I dare say, I'm in love with a poem.
Isn't that sad?
Your format? STAY!
Use it more and more.
It's Wonderful.
Your style. Gawd.
I wish I could have the talent you have.
It was... twisted.
Mysterious until the very end.
Well done, girly-o.
5/5 for me :]

Wow, that was just wow, it took me a minute to figure it out, very mysterious till the end, it was one of your best works, try this writting style again, i can't wait to read your next
Jade

Mm..honestly..lol...i could'nt find any errors in this one..n as this is your first of this kind...i think u've done a great job..n it flowed well..i found it li'l hard to comprehend...lol...but yay...i did get it...it's beautiful....
Good work!
=)5/5!
xxPoojaxx

Beautiful dear, its about a little tears journey and its well written. I have to agree with others...its very nice. 5/5 worth