I didn't find a neither a fow nor a beat in this one.
It was just... without structure.
Try to add some punctuation in your work.
They really do help.

Your first line?
I think you should reword that.
It just sounds funny.
I mean, I know what you're talking about.
But some other people might not
And be clueless about it.
Explain more of it.

Other than that.
It was okay.
Not the best I've read.
But it WAS pretty deep.
4/5?

I agree it was deep. but I found it rather intresting, and even though there didn't seem to be much of a flow to it, flow isn't everthing, the emtions were strong, and the message to me was clear. I have to give it a 5/5 Honestly

Not your best. But i did like it.