Comments : Another Dream

  • 16 years ago

    by Tracy D Rollings

    WOW that was really great , I like that ,you did a wonderful job on this one proud of you, everything about was good ,keep it up ,your friend Tracy
    ~5/5~

  • 16 years ago

    by claire

    Wow! you say things in such a unique way, and so clearly! this poem was great to read, and really strong!

  • 16 years ago

    by Live WeLL

    Wow.. what an amazing story you tell with such few words.. you are very talents to be able to pull that off.. I cant explain how amazing this poem is.. excellent job. and thanks for the comment =]

  • 16 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Great,,,, but sad
    yet it is filled with alot of emotions, i mean so sad though.
    the last two lines were the best. keep it up. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    I enjoyed reading this piece its one of my styles n really resembles to my piece called The Dream. I give u 5/5 cz it was simple, short and sweet.

  • 16 years ago

    by Black Princess

    Awesome work. Its so hard to get so much emotion through such short sentences but you pulled it off. Hardly any words used to tell such a painful tale but it was done so well. Nice work. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    I liked the structure of this poem. You short lines said pleanty. The rhyming couplets youve used are brilliant and help create a steady flow. The first stanza was really touching. It made the poem seem... well i thought it should be in the explicit catagory of the site. Or love. I owndered why you put the poem in the sad catagorie. The secound stanza shows change in the poem. The poem turns in a new direction. I liked your aliteration of; "Stale smoke" it created this sound... and it worked well. The thrid stanza... well i feel a sense of pleading going on. The nthe olast stanza concludes the poem in a brilliant way. It works really well, you create this image of acctually being kiked out and what life would be like then. A great read. Keep then up! xx

  • 16 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    So interesting subject and you really explained it well..So sad and sorrowful by the words and flow keeps you going
    It sure deserves a 5/5 from me
    Well done,
    Laura

  • 16 years ago

    by ellewen

    I liked this very much. There are some things I didn't like as well. That would be your transitions between stanzas on the third stanza. Your short lines are very effectlive, and kept me at interest. I really had trouble understanding the third stanza honestly. But you had great imagery mixed in there as well. Thank you for teh comment.

    God bless

    ~skittles

  • 16 years ago

    by Lisa

    Wow. This poem says a lot with such a small amount of words, I love that. At first it's so beautiful, a moment between two people so cherished, something of joy.. and then it turns cold and just gets worse as it goes along... Very deep. I really liked this one.
    5/5 all the way.. Maybe more if it were possible.

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I really enjoyed this, I found it to be very refreshing to read, original and unique in concept, the flow was good throughout, and the imagery was beautifully painted.

  • 16 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Honestly?
    This didn't capture my attention at all.
    It seemed... dull.

    It's maybe because of your format.
    There's nothing catchy about it.
    It made me want to read fast and get it overwith.

    4/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Romancing the Darker Side

    I like how you broke this up so there were only two or three words in each line, and how you managed to make it rhyme at the same time. The flow was a bit off at most parts, but I can't blame you since the rhyme and syllible sceme caused that to happen.

  • 16 years ago

    by Krzysztof J

    Wow its short and perfect trully a work of art i have it 5/5 :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Reminders Torture

    This poem was excellent.i can relate to it very well.
    i just love the way you have written it.the imagery was perfect and the flow was good.i espically love this stanza

    Long hall
    faint call
    Turns away
    Nothing to say
    Icy stare
    No where
    Such grief
    Sweet leaf
    Stale smoke
    Twisted joke
    Sad grin
    Pain held within

    She's late
    Oh great
    Desperate prayer
    No one there
    Secret kept
    She wept
    Stopped him
    Eyes dimmed
    One time
    Not mine
    Slight touch
    Hurt so much

    i just love the way you have written this stanza.keep up the good work and hope we stay in touch
    best wishes
    and take care
    emmeline

  • 15 years ago

    by your love is mine

    Wow this poem is really good there was alot of emotion=)

  • 15 years ago

    by Tom Swart

    I agree with those commenting before me. this was very well written and you chose the right words and placed them perfectly. Nice work here.