Suddenly[[.]] A frosty wind passed through me,
First off, change that period into a comma.
Second, it doesn't sound right.
It just makes it sound so much more of a story.
Maybe you could change it into
A frosty wind passes through me

Singing[[,]] it's song in this lonely day.
There's no comma after singing, dear :]

This doesn't sound right either
Now as I lie there, like an ant trampled to the ground
Maybe you could change it into
Laying there like an ant trampled to the ground.

If you want to keep it that way..
Erase the comma and "now"
There is no need for it
As I lie there[[,]] like an ant trampled to the ground

You used the word "Suddenly" twice.
You should really change that.
It makes the poem too much story like.

I said, "I need a place to stay[[,]] sir."
Comma after before sir.

I thought that your topic was very nice.
Your words need a little bit more touch up.
Your flow was a bit rocky.
Your grammar needed a lot of work.
All in all, 4/5

Tis a very sad poem, makes a person very sad, i give it a 5/5!!! keep them coming!!!

This is sad because it is so true. you wrote this poem perfectly, i know i would have not been able to write something like this at all. good job, 5/5
gabriella

Suddenly[[,]] A[[a]]< uncapitalize, take out period add comma.

Hmm.
I like it. Wish he wouldn't have died.
But, gives an amazing meaning and 'lesson'.
Good word choice & flow.

Keep it up.
<3

I've lived in some of the biggest cities in the world all my life and homeless people come up to me all the time. It's hard to talk to them because your afraid of what they'll do and if you give them money what are they buying with it. Excellent poem the flow was good and the message in the poem is great, we should take advantage of the oppertunities were given in life, so we don't all end up old fools. 5/5

This is a beautiful poem! Heartfelt and grateful and wonderfully written. the punctuation is fab! i especially liked this part

Gazing at my destination. Suddenly,
Someone emerges from my line of sight.
I said to myself, "This is my chance"
(I slowly rise from my bed of stones)

there are so many different peices of punctuation in that stanza and u still managed to use it perfectly!
well done!
=]
if u have time, please comment my latest?
thank you
take care
and keep writing
Geo
xoxoxo

This is so sad. Touching deep and just make think about how many people out there is that have no place to say and thouse who have don't appriciate it. Beautiful poem.
5/5
Keep up the great work!

Aww.. it's so sad, and touching, Really beautiful, great vocab, and srtory...

"The cold breeze is slowly slaughtering my soul
My crippled feet cannot take the pain anymore."
Those are definetly my favorite lines but I still loved the rest! Great work :D:D:D

There's no sound on this forsaken place
^ I think it should be "in" not "on"

A frosty wind passed through me,
^ Should be "passes".

Singing it's song in this lonely day.
^ Should be "on" not "in'.

Laying there like an ant trampled to the ground.
^ I think it should be "Then lay" instead of "laying".

Gazing at my destination. Suddenly,
Someone emerges from my line of sight.
^ You shouldn't just cut lines up like that. It messes up your flow.

He ignored me and kept walking.
I followed him in the shadows
^ Should be "ignores", "keeps" and "follow".

Time has gone by and he finally noticed me.
^ Should be "goes" and "notices".

This was goood but I felt it was more of a story than a poem. Also, be careful of tenses, you tend to change halfway through and then change back again. The descriptions were good and you used good vocabulary but the grammer wasn't always correct. So work on it being more of a poem, good grammer, and tenses. Nice job though. 4/5

You reflected the truths in life...And I'm thankful everyday I breathe..and this story was so meaningful..I liked the wording
Keep it up,
Sincerely
Laura

Hey,
Nice work, it more like a story then a poem though, the flow is a bit off sometimes but furthermore its okay, I'm feeling really grateful that I have a home,, there are so many people without homes I think its sad..
kisses Stephanie

Hey Marc!
Nice job!..i liked this one..it was a well penned story-ish write..though the flow was a tad off..you've portrayed the truths in life in a simple manner..
kp up the good job!
5/5
Tk care

xxPoojaxx

WOW! That was a very well written poem!
Loved the idea behind it.
Nice to see people trying different things.
Nice Flow, this poem had a rhythm to it and having punctuations really helped!
All round Awesome poem ^_^ 5/5

Keep Smiling x

I liked it.
What a great topic choice.
So little appreciate what they have.
A great read, and a touching topic.

Well done,
Elaine

:( Its very sad. Unfortunately we cant help them all - but I do like to think I've helped as many as I could to keep my conscience happy with myself! Very well written. Makes you think... we are so fortunate.

Take care

Mo

I really felt the coldness on this..I myself am thankful for each day I breathe..and we sometimes forget that we're so lucky actually..You made me think it once again
And you did a good point with that story
Good job,
Laura

I really felt the coldness on this..I myself am thankful for each day I breathe..and we sometimes forget that we're so lucky actually..You made me think it once again
And you did a good point with that story
Good job,
Laura

That was really good, and very true. 5/5

THIS HAS A GREAT MESSAGE AND I LOVE IT......APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING AT ALL.

More a story than a poem I think.
But that doesn't matter.
It's great, touching.
Like the flow, the words.
A true meaning and message.
I agree, more people should be thankful for what they have.
In short: A beautiful poem, really enjoyed reading it.
Your a fantastic writer.
Take care.