Aha. its ryming scheme was great. it was short but you showed alot of thisgs in few lines. and my friend this is called talent.
and i have noticedthat you have great talent.
thats why i will must give you 5/5

Ooh wow. This was very chilling. The flow was good and I loved the rhyme scheme you used. It was very unique and looked quite difficult. The descriptions as were the rhymes. ALthoguh in some spots I did feel it was a little bit awkward but thats to be expected with that type of scheme. Other than that, great job. 5/5

Im just a little skeptical about the chunk "you intent is to kill.". I know you mean to say your intention is to kill. Even if you write "your intention is to kill" it would be nice with no problem in the flow. This piece is nice and the close rhymes are really catching.

Well written i this one it is very dark which me like
keep it up
laura

Short and nicely arranged...a very good poem and quite dark ;) keep it up