The description was great but you need transition and i think you could have added to the poem just my personal opion 4/5 maybe u can read one of mine.

It's definitely an original idea. there seems to be something missing though. But other than that I liked it a lot. 4/5 as well.

I agree with you Lyndsy... its not quite right is it... oh well, ill work on it later :)

As Lyndsy said, it is an origional idea. I liked it, the end made me laugh a little, for after saying how you couldn't stand it and you threw up advising to the reader not try the cocktail seemed kind of funny, redundant. I think that it could have had a little more substance.
I thought the poem was good nonetheless.

Hmmm i'll take your word for it! i dont think i would want to drink bleach..eww lol
and i think i would rather not kill myself by drinking bleach..do you know how painful that would be! galding your throat..but eh..in the end you're dead..but whatever!...lol