I love this...I thought it was original and unique in concept, and made for a most refreshing read.
I thought the flow was good throughout the entire piece, the only thing I could suggest with this is to maybe eliminate some of the fillers, to make the flow absolutely flawless.
Other than that however, I think this is perfect.

I liked this poem. it is a good read. :) i liked how you put it together and the rhythem was good as well.

Beautiful, simple and sweet. I really admired your feelings and wordings. Very well expressed and flowing perfect. 5/5 all the way. TC :)

Great flow throughout this piece. Not to mention originality is always a nice change. Overall I think this is a well written piece. 5/5

marcella

Hm.
I'm really sorry.
But, I didn't like this.
I dislike poems that are written in this form or...such choppy form, since it's not really a form.
It told a story, yes, but there were no details...nothing to grab my attnetions. That's why I dislike them so much.
Sorry, Teria. I know you can do better.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

This is kind of interesting because i havnt seen a poem like this before and i htink that the way you layed it out was really well done :D i hope to read more of your work soon :D xxx alex xxx