Comments : Here's to Forever

  • 16 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    "We can whisper int he darkness"
    'in the' typo

    "and a thousand other things"
    wings and things was a good rhyme, and the way this stanza/specifically this line worked out was great, rhythmically speaking.

    "for you're giving me my place "
    I didn't feel like this line was a strong enough thought to be the ending. One of the great things about this poem was the revelry that was described in simple imagery. Running in oceans and rolling in grass is so simple, yet they are universal images of happiness, youth, and love. Finding a place, though, is so broad, cold, and adult-like, it seems out of place.

  • 16 years ago

    by Serina the Squid

    It's not supposed to seem cold. To me, a place is a home and a home is warmth, acceptance.

  • 16 years ago

    by *Charisma*

    Awwww...this whole piece is breathtakingly beautiful! I just love the whole thing! Your second and third stanzas were my fav!
    Charisma*