Comments : Merry Go Round.

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany

    I really like this. And the title too. You have this great talent. Back to the title for a second, I wonder how you chose it. I know there's a line in the poem with it but it's just so...perfect in a way. Anyways, I really love it.
    I give you highest praises :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Debbie

    "And, ignorance is bliss when you don't have a clue,"
    ^I liked that line. Sometimes, ignorance is actually good. =]

    "the truth that lingers deep within my weary soul,"
    ^Dead right, m'dear. In every soul there is an inherent truth waiting to be extracted. As I understood this passage, the subject seems to have a psychic insight. Sort of.

    "I'm winning this game with my arms tied behind my back,"
    ^This line amused me; it sounded humorously ironic.

    It's odd to note how the subject thinks she's dominant over her alleged lover when, in fact, her lover is governing over her to begin with. Well. Kind of. Whether it was intended by the author or not, the subject was rather cynical in character. I liked that. And I further liked the seeming battle in their minds. If I got the wrong idea, shhh!

    There was a minor issue with the flow. It seemed weak and fragile on the whole. I'd suggest you tighten-up the lines to enhance it.

    Still, I had enjoyed my time reading this remarkable work. Thanks for sharing, m'dear. :) ~Marian

  • 16 years ago

    by KeyxMashingxParody

    Loved it, flawless. another 5/5 from me!

  • 16 years ago

    by Serina the Squid

    The last four lines were the best. The poem confused me (but I'm a bit tired at the moment lol) but it was good. If you read it over and change the tense of a few words, maybe take out a few, like the word 'which' in, I think, the third line it would flow a lot better, but with some toying that's easily done. A good poem, I get feelings of anger from it. 4/5, but I'm a harsh rater.

  • 16 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    I really like this. In a way some parts were amusing, and others intriguing.

    "I can be played just to play again, I'm no feeble minded child.
    I can handle myself and I can handle you, for your pride is defiled.
    You see the truth that lingers deep within my weary soul,
    can see through the fog and your heart of which isn't whole.
    For, the way you've let it out is a tad bit wild,
    and the way you're holding it in proves your minds defiled. "

    ^^ I liked this stanza, however, you used 'defiled' twice at the end of two different lines and I just didn't like that. I like lots of variety when it comes to words, and I think you could have used a different word in one of those places.

    Nevertheless, it was a wonderful read.

  • 16 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Brilliant, i really liked the rhyming and the natural effortless flow that you managed to create.
    A perfect read, well written.
    love always, Tara-Kay
    x