Comments : Venomous Addictions

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Im sorry your going through this hard patch, here if you need to vent xx

  • 16 years ago

    by DarknessXxXinside

    I can totally understand this ... it explains me so well... alwasy on shit ... just to run away from problems good work

  • 16 years ago

    by babblingxbrooke

    I loved the description in this poem..it gave me a vivid picture and made it that much more enjoyable to read...excellent!

    Brooke<3

  • 16 years ago

    by dora

    Heyy very powerful piece i liked the words uve used to explain urself xx

  • 16 years ago

    by sf49

    5//5

  • 16 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    Actually, this is very good.
    Your lines are very descriptive, painting a very detailed picture for the reader.

    It flows very smoothly throughout and I only have a couple suggestions to bring it to a higher level.

    Alcohol consumed on lips taste bitter
    ^
    if you want to use those exact words, then "taste" needs to be "tastes"

    Here are a couple other ways it could be said:
    Alcohol stained lips taste bitter
    Lips stained with alcohol taste bitter
    Alcohol comsumed - lips taste bitter

    The Bathroom door slams open and shut
    ^
    Bathroom door slams loudly shut

    I was going to comment that the next line doesn't fit the rhyme scheme that you have set up, but I suppose some people may pronounce "secret" more with an "ut" than an "it", if so, then it's fine.

    Great work!

    ~Ann