First, this should be in quotes. It is more of a quote than it is a poem.

"I will take mi last breath and think off the good times"

^^ 'mi' should be 'my' , 'off' should be 'of' .

"nuffin but"

^^ 'nuffin' should be 'nothing'

"heart brack
and mi red wrist "

^^ 'brack' should be 'break' and again, 'mi' should be 'my' .

Improper spelling and grammar really steals away from a poem or a quote. It affect the flow, as well as the overall feel of the poem/quote. This, should have been a quote, or, if you want to type "lyke dis' there is a category for this, it is called slang.

This has potential. It is a strong quote, but the grammar and spelling mistakes really steal away its strength.

4.5
:]