You have great metaphors in the whole piece, very deep, and you expressed your emotions excellently through unusual and vivid images.
My favorite lines are:

-Silent words fallen out of tune
- bloodred stars dripping from my mouth -
and these words echo upon stale clouds.
My breath now nothing but an orchestra of crisp leaves,
that shatter as mirrors by the most loving touch.-

Whole piece is very powerful.
5/5 from me

You are a fine and inspired poetic Soul...much of your work is so sad and beautiful and painful that it brings tiny tears to me...

My wish is that when you actually are 'old', you will still have your passionate relationship to poetic phrasing, but that your expression will embody the vision of Spiritual welcome....of infused Light rather than diffused darkness....

Thank you most sincerely for your kind remarks..

You expressed very well. Great diction.

[5.5]
Keep writing!

SARAH