I liked this, the flow was good and the structure was great. Loved your choice of words. Keep it up.

Peace, Joe

Spookalicious !! .. yip ..

an Awesome write...simply. :D

"..I sense that he's near, my breath still abated.
Now it would appear he has fruitfully waited.
I forfeit to my death, now caress me and take me.
His unholy breath, persists to bend me and break me .."

superbly penned and amazing use description.. a great piece ..and for your first attempt.. its even more marvelous.. Keep it coming..

~Wake~

I know nothing of the style you are trying, but found the piece to be good in flow and rhyme. It has this intense feeling the whole way through. Nice job!
Charisma*

I really like this poem.
well written nice flow. :]] 5/5.

I very much liked this poem.

LISTEN TO ME. I am going to nominate this poem hence I am a senior member. Get rid of "this is my first time writing a..." ect.

Amazing flow. I simple am amazed by the poem. The flow... it was... so smooth.

[Nominated]
[Voted 5]

_Sam

This is beautifully written.
despite being relatively short you managed to pack so much power and emotion in this, which is sometimes hard to do.
The only thing I would suggest for this is to find another word to rhyme with me instead of rhyming 'me' with 'me.' I thought that somewhat disrupted the flow...but maybe that's just me.
Anyway, other than that, this was beautiful.

Dammm i really love this poem....
i dont no wat exactly this poems about but every1 can imagin something else wen reading a poem like this 1....
i like the flow....
if i had 2 rate it from 1-10 and 10 being the best then ill say 9 and a half and 1 reason and 1 reason only...i think with such a powerful poem u shoulda made it a tad bit longer....but u did an AMAZING job at making it so powerful with not 2 much words.....like thay say sometimes "less is more" =)

Wow... this is amazing!
i took the same title in that contest, and its amazing how different the are :]
but anyways, great job.
it's so beautiful... in a dark way.
5/5

~Sandra

Powerfully written, you said so much with just eight lines and that is really impressing. I like the ending line, it is really effective. Truly excellently written, with good imagery and greatly described feelings. It deserves 5/5

First of all iced should be icy. The description is good and it carries the mood well but thats all it does it never draws closure to the bigger picture of the poem it almost l;eaves you hanging well thats the way I see it Plot121

". . . bend me and break me."
^^ ". . . bend me [then] break me." ?

Amazing job with this poem, darling.
I loved it, once again. You're very, very talented.

The emotion, and flow were flawless.
And, the word choice was flawless minus one. Lol.

Wonderful job.
And, you got a 5 again. (:
feel loved. haha.

With so few lines this tells so much. This piece is rather haunting in a way and I adore it. Not to metion everything I've read so far seems so thought and you word each line just right. You have have a wonderful talent. 5/5

marcella