I can sense that you are putting alot into your writing, my only critique, is for a little more substance, maybe take your time a little more, theres nothing wrong with the piece it is well written, i was just left wanting more...

Aah... this one hurts me. Nice work. Improvement needed. But keep it up.

Oh wow.. this is really good.. i lik it becuz it truly.. well.. i mean.. i can sit here and tell ya but i would prolly be repeatin everythin sum1 else said. so.. i lik it.. keep writing=)