I thought this was heaps good, it hept rhythm and wasnt too dirty... good work...

I really like the structure of this one its pretty unique, nice and unusual. aab-ccb. Flow is good throughout.

I gotta say though, it's down and out dirty .. I highly doubt I will be able to look at you and your wife the same anymore!
All I'll ever see is sluping, gobblin, nibble machines.

Nice poem though mate, keep it up.
[5/5]
~Pete.

Great work, very unique in it's structure. Awesome work, keep it up.

Peace, Joe

It was really good
i'd like to see more of your poems

Love it

O.k. you asked me to choose the last poem to read for myself. I of course chose this lol. This was great. Not to "in depth" but, enough. I loved the ending, how you question if it happened. That made me laugh. 5/5

marcella

L14 "I am in luck" would be better there, the extra syllable keeps the overflow melodic. I like the aab ccd rhyme scheme here, keeps it songlike and light.