Hi there!
I know you want ppl to help you so here it comes:
-you made a mis-spell it should be: even if I tried to do ( instead of tired to do)
- the last sentence I would chance to:when even in my dreams there is always and only you
You are free to use or ignore my advice it's a great poem anyway.

Take care,

5/5 sis

I read some of your other poems but this ones my favorite so far...maybe you should show it to the girl its about it might win her over ^_-

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Nice poem, i love reading this sort of poetry so sweet so nice so kind.

Great^^