Comments : Heart of clay

  • 15 years ago

    by Sole

    In my opinion, slightly simple but effective, pwerful and moving. I'd love for someone special to write a poem about me, your Sam really is lucky =].

    'to feel loved, to feel safe
    that's all she wanted
    but she found so much more
    more than what she needed'

    This is the only stanza that doesn't really rhyme, and at first read it seemed a bit out of place, but going back through the poem I think it gives a bit of punch and it's a really key point - it sort of gives the reader something to think about rather than just being a straightforward (boring) poem.

    I love the fact that the poem could either be about a new love or just God. 'Sleeping in his arms' could refer to God as well after all..

    I think perhaps the one thing you could do with in this piece is some punctuation. It could just give the poem a bit mor structure and let the reader know when they need to stop and take a breather rather than flowing most of the way through..

    All in all, great work and I really enoyed reading and cmmenting on this piece - Thanks :)

    Sole, x